I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
