Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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