like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize