I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
