I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
