I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
