I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
