I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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