Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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