I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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