i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
