I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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