Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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