remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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