my phone needs a breathalizer
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
