There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
