My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
