dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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