You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drake has all the answers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
