These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
