Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
