make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
