He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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