Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
