you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
