just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
