I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
