you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
