I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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