Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
