I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the day after is always just damage control
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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