I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
