proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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