alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
