Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
