I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
