the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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