he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
