Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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