Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
