it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
