i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
