Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize