So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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