once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
