You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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