She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
