i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My vagina just recognized that song.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
