I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
