i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
