i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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