there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
