Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
