i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need a beard to bite.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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