I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
