So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
