Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
