maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
