my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A bitchslap is in order.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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