I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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