i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
