i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
