I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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