Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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