Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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