Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
