Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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