I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
