Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
