we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
