This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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