this boner is exhausting
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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